Tide You Over

Well, here's your filler, till I am upright again.  Hospital tomorrow…new report time is 8 am, with the first ceremonial cut scheduled for 10 am.  That's the first schedule change, others will most certainly follow.  I may have to to a post-op post or two on my experience.

But on to our topic. I love this stuff.  What would a shrink say that says about me?  Who the hell cares.  Read on, and be enlightened (I hope these are accurate. For all I know, some of them are a lie from the pit of hell):

Maine is the closest U.S. state to Africa

Anne Frank, Martin Luther King, Jr…and Barbara Walters were born in the same year, 1929

Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.

Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto.

Hippo milk is pink.

Carrots were originally purple.

The heart of a whale is so big, a human can swim through the arteries. Nice visual.

Vending machines are twice as likely to kill you than a shark is.  Seriously?

Home Alone was released closer to the moon landing than it was to today.

Oxford University is older than the Aztec Empire.

France was still executing people with the guillotine when the first Star Wars film came out.  Ouch!

Betty White is actually older the sliced bread.

Not once in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it mention he is an egg.

A strawberry isn't a berry but a banana is.  So are avocados and watermelon.

New York City is further south than Rome, Italy.

North Korea and Finland are separated by only one country.

Mammoths went extinct 1,000 years after the Egyptians finished the Great Pyramid.

Nintendo was founded as a trading card company back in 1889.

The last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series, women did not have the right to vote.

If you shrunk the sun down to the size of a white blood cell and shrunk the Milky Way Galaxy down using the same scale, it would be the size of the continental United States.  Think on that a bit.

John Tyler (10th US President), has a grandson who is alive today.

Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.  Well, that explains so much!

Alaska is simultaneously the most northern, most western, and most eastern state in the U.S.

Pluto never made a full orbit around the sun from the time it was discovered to when it was declassified as a planet.

There are more stars in space than there are grains of sand on every beach on Earth.  Wow! Think about that one.  Why, just Nauset Beach alone…..

There are more public libraries than McDonalds in the U.S.  Maybe there's hope?

You can't hum while holding your nose. Well, I can't anyway.

The pyramids were as old to the Romans as the Romans are to us.

There is 10 times more bacteria in your body than actual body cells.  OK, that bothers me.

And 90% of the cells that make us up aren't human but mostly fungi and bacteria.  Now, I'm really freaked.

Turtles can breathe out of their butts.  TMI.  Actually, I know people like that.

There are more atoms in a glass of water than glasses of water in all the oceans on Earth.

The probability of you drinking a glass of water that contains a molecule of water that also passed through a dinosaur is almost 100%. Through the dinosaur???

At the time the current oldest person on Earth was born, there was a completely different set of human beings on the planet.

And finally, for KBF, the dot over an "i" is called a tittle.  So there.

Mark Twain Quote:  "Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it."

Pre-Surgery Week

I have a plan, a definite plan, a logical (?) plan, a (thankfully) short plan.  It's Surgery Week.  Or, should I say Pre-Surgery Week, full of events leading up to the big cut.  And, in my case, hopefully, the little cut.

Monday, I'm off to my primary care doc for a "pre-surgery clearance" visit.  I guess I have to have his blessing that I'm breathing hard enough to enjoy the process that is soon to follow.

On Wednesday, I hit the big three, plus one.  An early morning CT scan, followed by a pre-surgery consult with the actual, factual, surgeon.  He's a guy I like a lot.  The more I talk to him, the more confident I feel about the whole mess.  A friend of mine, prominent in the real estate game hereabouts, had major back surgery done recently by this fellow and loves both the outcome and the person who saved him.  And in the process, I think he sold 2 houses while he was in residence at the hospital.

At 3 pm, I then meet with the anesthesia doc who,  on Monday next, is  going to send me on a short vacation where, hopefully, I will dream only the sweet dreams I want to, and not see any brilliant lights coming my way …. or be relegated to hovering in the corner of the OR, up by the ceiling, watching a bunch of people while they ply their trade on my back.  Just sweet dreams, please.  What I have to do here in the way of "pre-testing," I have no idea.

That makes three for the day.  The plus one is my dentist, who has called twice now to reschedule my check up … and I figured what the hell, the day's shot anyway …. so I fit him in at noon.

Then it's wait till Monday, June 16th, where I have an appointment at Crouse for 10 am.  That's arrival time.   Given my limited experience with other medical procedures, I know surgery won't happen till 2 pm or so.  Hospitals, more than most other institutions, specialize in waiting.  It's an art form, and they're damn good at it.

So, that's that.  I'll check in when I can.  I shan't bring my iPad to the hospital, as I fear I would not leave with it.  Sad to think that, isn't it?  But I'll be in touch, perhaps with a tide you over post before I actually go.

Mark Twain Quote:  "One should not bring sympathy to a sick man.  It is always kindly meant, and of course it has to be taken - but it isn't much of an improvement on castor ooil.  One who has a sick man's true interest at heart will forbear spoken sympathy, and bring him surreptitious soup and fried oysters and other trifles that the doctor has tabooed."

Oops….Not So Fast

Well, it turns out that Tiger and I aren’t so connected at the hip, or should I say back, after all.  Oh, for sure we both have herniated discs, but mine, in one case, has improved, while the other stuff that’s not bothering Tiger so much has gone south for me.  L4-5 is the culprit, and it has decided to show just who is boss of this operation, no pun.

And this, boys and girls, is your Lumbar Spine.  Pretty, isn't it?  Looks like a snake.

Of course, I found this out when in Florida for my pre-op consult…which took place exactly 15 hours before my scheduled surgery.  Think they could have made a phone call and saved me a trip? 

Though I did spend a week in Florida, and thoroughly enjoyed sun that warmed me to my bones, it was, for the business of the business I was there for, a wasted trip.  It also called to mind the inexact and imperfect and inefficient world that is medicine these days.

All of which left me more than a little peeved.  A letter written by a pen warmed up in hell is in the offing.  I think the good Doctor needs to know there is a huge disconnect between him and his “front office.”  This was to be my very first surgery in my whole little life, so I had no precedence to guide me, but in retrospect, I could hear balls being dropped at every juncture of this experience.  Luck of the Irish.

So, I am back in sunny Syracuse, now scheduling another stab at painless.  This time it’s an orthopedic surgeon, not a neurosurgeon.  And, I’m happy to report, so far, so good.  I’ve had the consult, scheduled the pre-op visit, and have a surgery date.  The doctor in this instance knows full well that on August 1^st, the bus for Cape Cod leaves the depot, whether I’m on it or not.  He assures me I will be on it.  We’ll see.

Because this is a more extensive endeavor (a fusion for God’s sake), it is a little more serious.  But, as luck would have it, again I qualify (so far) for the minimally invasive version of this surgery.  That, they promise me, means less pain, less recovery time, and in some respects, a better outcome.  Golf and biking and walking are gloriously in my fairly immediate future.  If I couldn't be physically active, I'd go nuts. 

And I guess I’m thankful for the present day.  My neighbor across the street had a spinal fusion done 50 years ago (he’s 90ish and still walks, plays golf, etc.) and he had to live in a body cast for 3 months after surgery!  With good behavior, they tell me I’m out in 2-3 days, tops.  By the time my kids deserve one of these, they will probably do it as an outpatient; in at breakfast, out by dinner. Or maybe even at home.

Mark Twain Quote: “as far as being on the verge of being a sick man I don’t take any stock in that.  I have been on the verge of being an angel all of my life, but it’s never happened yet.”