Several years ago, I heard a seminar presentation by Dr. Joyce Brothers (those of you over 50, think Dr. Phil’s mom). Her topic was – relationships. She filled her talk with anecdotes and statistics, cleverly woven together to create an enjoyable hour or so. From that talk I took away two nuggets of wisdom that will stay with me always.
One of them is about hugs. I never used to be much of a hugger, way back in the day. Oh, some for my parents for sure, and sis of course. Grandparents were a must as well, and given freely. If I strayed close enough to an aunt I usually got caught up in a hug not of my choosing, but hey, that was ok too, some of the time.
And much later, when kids arrived, well…how could anyone not hug a baby, a toddler, a small child. But even then, those hugs were confined to family. Other than that, I gave up hugs very grudgingly, as if I were only allocated so many for life, and I was going to save them for very special occasions.
Dr. Brothers changed my basic belief in hugs in an instant. She said that all humans need 10 hugs a day. Ten each day! We need them to feel loved, wanted, respected, fulfilled. We need them in order to feel fully human. Even though we may not admit it, they are an integral part of our nature, largely undiscovered. She said that so fervently, in such a wonderful way, that I can’t duplicate it with the printed word. Then she delivered the punch line: very few of us get anywhere close to 10 hugs a day.
Ever since then, I’ve tried consciously to be a better hugger. And into the bargain, I began to feel better, much better, as a person. Hugs are reinforcing…they are as good for the hugger as they are for the one being hugged. They affirm our humanity and let others know that we care. They are good for the soul.
But I suppose that ultimately, hugs simply are not for everyone. It takes all kinds of people, in other words. In a few cases, I think some people will just live their lives that way. At work some years ago, a new V-P was hired. His staff simply did not like him, as he was aloof and distant. I talked to him one day and suggested that he get out among his people, meet them, and get to know them, if just a little bit. His response was, “You can ask my wife, I’m just not a touchy feely kind of guy.” He never made the effort to connect, and they never, to this day, developed a respect for him. They have low morale, and do their jobs robotically. Some left. That man missed a very golden opportunity to display humanness and leadership. As you may have guessed, he is not a hugger, and never will be. Sad.
So, if you’re not a hugger, give it a try. You will feel better. The one you hug will feel better. Make the connection and pay it forward. Imagine if we all did it…the power of hugs would surprise, and enrich. () () () ()() () () () () () …. There, that’s for all of you (it’s the best I can do)…now…your turn.
Mark Twain Quote: “There is a great deal of human nature in people.”
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