Lawyers? …. Pass the Beer Nuts…...

We had a little break there to celebrate the World Series Champs and my favorite team, the Boston Red Sox.  As only one of about two dozen Red Sox fans in CNY, I had to insert that little tribute to their bearded victory.  Here in Yankee country (I can not understand the devotion these over the hill, overpaid “stars” command….but I digress), we must take every chance we get to applaud the men from  Boston.  And BTW: Fenway – Yankee Stadium - visit both and tell me which is the real “baseball park.”  Yankee Stadium is really a shopping mall with some grass thrown in for effect.  You serious about baseball … you go to Boston.  Yes, I digress again.

Now back to our “legal” theme of late.  Part of the reason I wanted to see a real trial in action was to watch (and listen) to the interaction between the lawyers and the jury, the witnesses, and the judge.  People watching at its finest.  Sadly, I missed that, but it is still an item on my “Bucket List.”  In the meantime, I can get some feel for what could happen in a court of law by reading from a book called “Disorder in the Courts” by Charles Sevilla.  Between the covers of this book, the author provides us some clues as he reveals to us words that were actually spoken in court, words taken down by court stenographers….and in a sampling, shared here with you folks. 

Read, and laugh…..

Attorney:  All your response must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?

Witness:   Oral….

Attorney:  Are you sexually active?

Witness:   No, I just lie there.

Attorney:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

Witness:   The autopsy started around 8:30PM

Attorney:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

Witness:    If not, he was by the time I finished.

Attorney:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know                    

                  about it until the next morning?

Witness:    Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney:  How was your fist marriage terminated?

Witness:    By death

Attorney:   And by whose death was it terminated?

Witness:    Take a guess

Attorney:   Were you present when your picture was taken?

Wittness:    Are you shitting me?

Attorney:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8^th?

Witness:    Yes

Attorney:   And what were you doing at that time?

Witness:    Getting laid

Attorney:   Can you describe the individual?

Witness:    He was about medium height and had a beard

Attorney:   Was this a male or a female?

Witness:    Unless the circus was in town I’m going with male

                  (side note: hey, coulda been a Red Sox player!)

And just one more:

Attorney:   She had three children, right?

Witness:    Yes

Attorney:   How many were boys?

Witness:    None

Attorney:   Were there any girls?

Witness:    Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney? 

And that is why a visit to a trial must be near the top of my Bucket List! :)

Mark Twain Quote: “Lawyers are like other people – fools on the average; but it is easier for an ass to succeed in that trade than any other.”