Hodge and Podge

Freshly returned from sometimes sunny (yet chilly, if 75 qualifies as a chill) Florida, to a snow storm in progress and some inches of the white stuff on the ground, in SPRING time, I am immediately returned to my sulking winter blues.  Which means I really don’t feel like writing, at least anything organized, meaningful, or insightful.  So, this is just a smattering of odd duck things that come to mind when I think of the days just gone by. 

The Captain - The Guide - Florida Fred

I took an airboat ride while there.  I guess that qualifies as a Bucket List item.  This one was on Lake Trafford, which is near Immokalee.  People on the boat told me this was infinitely better than the airboat rides in the Everglades.  The boat was full of tourists (I do not count myself among their number), which means a kid or two was aboard.  Our quintessential Florida “Captain” (guide?) took us on a one hour excursion around the edges of the lake, thru grass fields and little canals that put us right next to some serious wildlife, mostly birds and alligators….LOTS of alligators. 

One of Many!  Running Away.  Thank You!

It was comforting, yet scary, that our boat was our shield, our protector, and yet the the only thing standing between us and an alligator’s lunch.  Airboats are powered by what it is essentially an airplane engine and a propeller.  And they are LOUD, as in wear your ear protectors or spend the rest of your days going “Whadja  say?” 

The lake is no more than 11ft. deep, and where we traveled, it was mostly 1-2ft. deep.  The airboat, to get thru this combination of mud, water, and grass, really had to exert its power. The noise and the spray were enough to make even the largest alligators rapidly swim out of our way.  And yet I know, that if anything happened to the boat and we were forced to wade ashore, we would not make it.  The alligator, the guide told me, is an opportunistic eater.  They will eat anything, including us, if they don’t have to work too hard at getting it.  They are, I guess, lazy.  Thus, we would be very easy pickings if we ended up in the water.  Comforting.

Speaking of meals (nice segue huh, from an alligator’s lunch to a human’s dinner).  I also ate at the Boathouse Restaurant in Naples.  It’s on Naples Bay, by the Cove Inn and the Coast Guard Auxiliary base.  So the atmosphere was nice, and the beer and wine cold and plentiful.  The meals were very nice in every respect.  Except for the sandwiches. 

The Boathouse Restaurant

The “sandwiches,” well they were another story. One person at our table ordered a Lump Crab Melt, and was presented with mostly bread, tomato, and cheese, but not a lot of crab.  Another person ordered the New England Lobster roll, which was delivered last, and probably so for reason of embarrassment and shame.  I have never seen one like it, and I am the King of ordering lobster rolls (but my instincts in this case told me to stay away).

It was the worst example of a lobster roll I shall ever hope to see.  In some kind of “bun” a tad longer than a hot dog roll, was delicately placed about 6 small pieces of lobster meat. More roll than lobster, it looked like a mistake, but was not. How could any restaurant of conscience place that on a table?   I was even too mortified to take a picture. I guess at the time I thought it not worthy of one.  I am always on a quest for the perfect lobster roll, but never in all my wanderings encountered one as pathetic as this. I never thought I would one day have to describe the world’s worst lobster roll.  DO NOT order this offering at the Boathouse!

A quick observation on beaches.  Unlike places you can go to on the Cape, Florida beaches inevitability force you to look at high rise buildings while you try to take in the beauty of the sand, sky, and sea.  It just seems so out of place to always see these monuments to money desecrating the skyline.  And just who would want to live in such a place, always having to take an elevator to your “unit.” Old people, that's who.  Or nearsighted people.  Or lazy people. Or dumb people. And for what it costs, you could afford to buy at least two homes in respectable locations anywhere.  Real homes.  Like on the Cape.  And if you ever contemplate that,  I’ve got just the realtor for you!  

Now, if you could only get rid of those ugly buildings!

Mark Twain Quote:  “Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.”

So Far, So Bad

Virginia, they say, is for lovers.  Ha!  Only if you're an Eskimo and rubbing noses turns you on.  On my visit before seriously heading south, I was treated to the worst snowstorm of this winter ... not in snowy NY, but in Virginia.

Proof!  Snow in Virginia, in March yet. 

About 8" of "white mud," as the Weather Channel described it, fell in an area that averages 10" for an entire season.  The temperature also averages 58 degrees in March, but not this March.  The storm lasted less than 36 hours, but paralyzed the DC area for two days.

It was actually humorous to see the southern response to a snow storm.  Papers proudly showed the picture: plows lined up waiting for the snow to fall, but they only cleared the most major of highways. Local neighborhoods never saw a single plow.  The newscasts all touted how prepared the municipalities were and what a great job they were doing, like some Herculean feat, all for dealing with an annoyance that we would brush off like a mosquito and just get on with our day...no big deal.

Yeah, I know, it's the south and they're simply not used to this stuff, but jeez, to ignore neighborhoods where people live is potentially disastrous.  Which may explain why schools, businesses, and the government simply closed their doors and stuck their heads in the sand, er, I mean snow.  And, of course, schools  were closed yesterday and today (a bright and sunny day).  So tomorrow, just to be safe, there is a 2 hour delay.  You  ..  can  .. not  ..  make  ..  this. ..  stuff  ..  up.  All of this for a storm that at worst would have meant a school delay or an early release for us northerners...on one day only.

The standard reason given for their absolutely dismal snow removal is lack of equipment because of the low risk of snow related events.  The people who run the greater DC area ought to pay attention to  a couple of things.  First, there's more of these events plaguing us these days, and then maybe it's not a very smart idea to have Washington, DC incapacitated over a couple of snow flakes.  It is, by virtue of it's purpose and location, the seat of world power, prestige, and importance. Which makes it kinda stupid, and embarrassing, that a few snow flakes bring to a standstill the mighty government of these United States.  But considering the way it's run ....

Mark Twain Quote:  "That's the difference between governments and individuals.  Governments don't care, individuals do."

Enough ... is ... Enough!

Comes a time when thoughts don’t do it…when dreaming doesn’t do it.  Even when looking at pictures of lobsters, sand, and surf just can’t do it.  Our winter hasn’t been what I would call really bad.  But I would call it lingering, relentlessly putting grey skies and little snowflakes in our faces.  And when you wake up to this on March 1^st, and add in a wind that reaches to your bones, well, it’s time. 

Even with less than ideal circumstances, I…am…out…of…here.  Heading south, where a mid Atlantic snow storm promises to accompany me on my journey.  You can’t make this stuff up. My clubs and I (or should I say what 98% of the enlightened and educated populace now seems to embrace…..”me and my clubs”) are headed to Virginia for a spell, with a stop over at Monticello, and perhaps more, depending on Mr. Snowflake.  

Then it’s off to Florida, for a week plus of sponging … it’s good to have friends with winter homes.  And to look forward to that I have a set of photographs to help get me there.  I will be found hanging out at places like these:

Baleen Restaurant

Turtle Club

And if I hang around long enough, I’ll be able to see glorious sunsets on the Gulf, sunsets such as these:

And in between there are miles and miles of open beach to explore. So, I don’ t know if you’ll see another post while I’m gone or not…if the beer or wine start talking, you just might.  If not, it will be spring when I return and resume this blog.  Unless, of course, I am greeted on my return with grey skies and little snowflakes, in which case I’ll just turn around.....

Mark Twain Quote:  (Winter)  “It is a time when one’s spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.”  Note:  a long, grey winter can do this to a person.  It did it to Twain, in 1873, when he was only 38.