Hodge and Podge

Freshly returned from sometimes sunny (yet chilly, if 75 qualifies as a chill) Florida, to a snow storm in progress and some inches of the white stuff on the ground, in SPRING time, I am immediately returned to my sulking winter blues.  Which means I really don’t feel like writing, at least anything organized, meaningful, or insightful.  So, this is just a smattering of odd duck things that come to mind when I think of the days just gone by. 

The Captain - The Guide - Florida Fred

I took an airboat ride while there.  I guess that qualifies as a Bucket List item.  This one was on Lake Trafford, which is near Immokalee.  People on the boat told me this was infinitely better than the airboat rides in the Everglades.  The boat was full of tourists (I do not count myself among their number), which means a kid or two was aboard.  Our quintessential Florida “Captain” (guide?) took us on a one hour excursion around the edges of the lake, thru grass fields and little canals that put us right next to some serious wildlife, mostly birds and alligators….LOTS of alligators. 

One of Many!  Running Away.  Thank You!

It was comforting, yet scary, that our boat was our shield, our protector, and yet the the only thing standing between us and an alligator’s lunch.  Airboats are powered by what it is essentially an airplane engine and a propeller.  And they are LOUD, as in wear your ear protectors or spend the rest of your days going “Whadja  say?” 

The lake is no more than 11ft. deep, and where we traveled, it was mostly 1-2ft. deep.  The airboat, to get thru this combination of mud, water, and grass, really had to exert its power. The noise and the spray were enough to make even the largest alligators rapidly swim out of our way.  And yet I know, that if anything happened to the boat and we were forced to wade ashore, we would not make it.  The alligator, the guide told me, is an opportunistic eater.  They will eat anything, including us, if they don’t have to work too hard at getting it.  They are, I guess, lazy.  Thus, we would be very easy pickings if we ended up in the water.  Comforting.

Speaking of meals (nice segue huh, from an alligator’s lunch to a human’s dinner).  I also ate at the Boathouse Restaurant in Naples.  It’s on Naples Bay, by the Cove Inn and the Coast Guard Auxiliary base.  So the atmosphere was nice, and the beer and wine cold and plentiful.  The meals were very nice in every respect.  Except for the sandwiches. 

The Boathouse Restaurant

The “sandwiches,” well they were another story. One person at our table ordered a Lump Crab Melt, and was presented with mostly bread, tomato, and cheese, but not a lot of crab.  Another person ordered the New England Lobster roll, which was delivered last, and probably so for reason of embarrassment and shame.  I have never seen one like it, and I am the King of ordering lobster rolls (but my instincts in this case told me to stay away).

It was the worst example of a lobster roll I shall ever hope to see.  In some kind of “bun” a tad longer than a hot dog roll, was delicately placed about 6 small pieces of lobster meat. More roll than lobster, it looked like a mistake, but was not. How could any restaurant of conscience place that on a table?   I was even too mortified to take a picture. I guess at the time I thought it not worthy of one.  I am always on a quest for the perfect lobster roll, but never in all my wanderings encountered one as pathetic as this. I never thought I would one day have to describe the world’s worst lobster roll.  DO NOT order this offering at the Boathouse!

A quick observation on beaches.  Unlike places you can go to on the Cape, Florida beaches inevitability force you to look at high rise buildings while you try to take in the beauty of the sand, sky, and sea.  It just seems so out of place to always see these monuments to money desecrating the skyline.  And just who would want to live in such a place, always having to take an elevator to your “unit.” Old people, that's who.  Or nearsighted people.  Or lazy people. Or dumb people. And for what it costs, you could afford to buy at least two homes in respectable locations anywhere.  Real homes.  Like on the Cape.  And if you ever contemplate that,  I’ve got just the realtor for you!  

Now, if you could only get rid of those ugly buildings!

Mark Twain Quote:  “Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.”