Tiger and I…...

….have something in common!  Aside:  for anyone who is a reader of this blog, you understand the title explicitly.  For those of you who think this should read “Me and Tiger,” well, there’s not much hope for you.  You will probably end up with a job somewhere, even though your resume is no doubt a minefield of mistakes, with some lies thrown in for luck.  And it probably runs on for 2 or 3 pages…hint, you’re not that important. In the final analysis, there is no excuse for poor English in the better echelons of the working world. Wait, what is going on here?  Pain. Pain makes me rant, and I am in pain.

Anyway, Tiger and I do have one thing in common, and it’s not a flawless golf swing.  Tiger recently dropped out of competition to have surgery performed on his back.  To be exact, he underwent a microdiscectomy on his spine.  This to correct a herniated disc that caused him much pain and suffering. 

Well, I’m proud to say I’ve got one as well.  I always thought that people who complained of back issues were basically, well, faking it.  How could a back possibly cause that much trouble was my opinion on the subject….right up to the moment it happened to me.  Now I understand and shed tears when people tell me how they are sent to their knees, banished to the floor on all fours, unable to walk upright. Yes brother, I believe, and share your pain, literally.

Now, I’ve got some other issues as well – misaligned vertebrae, some stenosis, and a little arthritis throw in.  Tiger probably has some of that as well, as I’ve come to believe that once your back revolts and sends you the memo, it’s usually on more than one level. And I am amazed to learn that back pain, in various combinations, is rampant among us.  There is hardly a person I talk to about this who has not had back troubles of some stripe - young, old, and every back in between.

I’ve had this for over a year, but didn’t take it seriously until I could no longer swing a golf club (again, my kinship with Tiger).  Then I took this all VERY seriously. Off to the Docs.  Of course, they start small and work their way up the chain, but always waiting at the end is the dreaded phrase, “spinal surgery.”  I tried it all.  PT, gym, swimming, massage, acupuncture, reflexology (see “Better Than Sex” – 12/7/13), biking, walking, epidural spinal injections, offerings to the gods, and finally, serious sessions of sailor swearing while drinking adult beverages.  Nothing helped.

So, it was off to a specialist…. or should I say two specialists. Always get a second opinion. It pays…you’ll see.  Now, up front, I’ve got to tell you I was impressed with both of them, and liked them instantly.  But…..but….these two learned men looked at the very same MRI films, and presented me with two completely different treatment recommendations! Oy!  What now?

The one fella, my primary surgery contact, is an orthopedic surgeon here in Syracuse, while the other is a neurosurgeon.  The neurosurgeon is in Florida , and was my second opinion, even though I saw him first – long story, won’t bore you. He showed me a section of my spine where the nerve is supposed to be nice and straight.  My problem is that at that point (L3-4 for you amateur docs) my nerve resembled a bend in the Mississippi river.  The nice little disc was a leakin’ out of its rightful place and just twisting that little nerve into a pretzel. His opinion: I needed a microdiscectomy.  Minimally invasive.  In at 5:30am, out by dinner.  Treat the other problems if and when they started barking.  I liked the sound of that.

He also cautioned me in two areas.  Avoid any “laser” spine outfits…period.  And he told me the “ortho boys” would want to fuse me.  How right he was.

When I arrived back in frigid Syracuse, I went to the orthopedic surgeon for my consultation visit.  The first thing he said as he was reviewing my MRI was that I would need a fusion at 2 levels in my spine, with the full accompaniment of nuts, bolts, screws, and plates that would make an airport screening gizmo scream at me like I was a terrorist.  I would, they said, lose about 15% mobility in my spine…not good for a golf swing, but my swing sucks anyway, so maybe this would be an improvement.  They did assure me I would play golf again.

Gee, what would you do?  Well, I posed that query to everyone I talked with about back issues, which included folks who have never had an inch of pain in their life and others who had back surgery in one form or another.  Now that advice pool runs the gamut from my barber to my doctor friends.  To a person, they just looked at me and simply said:  DUH!

So, I’m off to Florida to be minimally invaded on May 22.  Sunny Florida….and now, also a very HOT and HUMID Florida.  Why couldn’t my neurosurgeon be at the Cape????

I’ll write an update and pass it on, so it may be awhile…..stay tuned. 

Mark Twain Quote:  “Dear Sir (or Madam):  I try every remedy sent to me.  I am now on No. 67.  Yours is 2,653.  I am looking forward to its beneficial results.”