The Kargobais

My recent trip to Denver was to visit an old friend.  John and his wife Angela are from Sierra Leone.  They came to the United States for college.  They stayed to marry and share a life.  Some of their relatives preceded them, and some came after.  Together, they formed family and friendships in New York city, first in Brooklyn,  and then in Queens.   Some relatives moved on to Colorado, and eventually, many of those still left in New York followed, in dribs and drabs, to this new place of opportunity. Their only child, Anna, was one of them.  Soon, she lured  John and Angela there, for she wanted her parents close. Anna is married and now lives within walking distance of her parents.

John and Angela  made that move 6 or so years ago, and in Denver, what I will call the “Kargobai Clan West” was formed.  They live in a very nice housing development between downtown Denver and the airport, but much closer to the airport than the city.  A short walk through neighborhood streets brings you to the corner of Tower Road and East 43^rd Ave.  It is from this vantage point that you can see, unimpeded, the majestic rocky mountains to the west.

They live in a large house that boasts 6 bedrooms.  All are currently filled. Nieces, nephews, and other relatives move in and out as family circumstances dictate.  If there is a situation in one area of this extended family, John and Angela are there to fill the void. Angela’s sister and her husband moved from Tennessee, and while they get on their feet in this new setting, they will be cared for by John and Angela in their home.

Angela’s sister Imelda had been looking for a job for well over a year (talk about perseverance!).  During my visit, she was successful in finding one.  I saw the sense of pride and accomplishment light up her face upon hearing the news.  There was a bounce in her step and she wore a big smile  as she prepared herself for her first day of work.  John and Angela’s love and support helped make that day possible.

Angela’s mother is in her 80s, and also lives with them.  Just over a year ago, she suffered a major stroke, and requires constant care.  While eating out one night, I asked Angela,  “I think I already know the answer to this question, but did you ever think about placing mom in a nursing home?” The look on her face, which was my answer, said absolutely not. There would be no nursing home for the woman who raised and nurtured them. There was no question, no discussion, no hesitation.  Today, mom is doing very well and her family truly believes that home care is the reason.  They do not accept for one instant that institutional care would have produced the same result. For this family, mom will be taken care of by family, thank you. Any alternative would not even occur to them.   

Personal rant:  Sadly, this is probably an exception in the fast paced and impersonal “life” we have invented. The time is not far off when the capability to place a parent or loved one in an institution will be done using an “app” on a smart phone. 

Quite a group, these Kargobais.  They gather often, and with large batches of people.  Friends and relatives simply drop over, and stay anywhere from 10 minutes to - hours.  There is no formal “visit” time (think “play dates,” one of the evils of our children’s generation - but sadly, necessary), they just get together whenever they feel like it, which is often.

And I do think that something needs to be repeated.  These good people are first generation immigrants to our country.  They have been here long enough that I don’t even think of them in that way, but it’s so.  Immigration problems?  Sure, we have many no doubt, but let us never lose sight of the fact that good and deserving people still want to come to this increasingly flawed, but still fabulous, land of opportunity.

John and Angela also make it a priority, every couple of years, to return to Africa to visit family and friends that chose to stay behind.  They regularly send support money back home to help loved ones in that decimated country.  They’re family, remember.

I don’t know if it’s the inherent culture of first generation immigrants from their country, just the loving and sharing nature of these two wonderful people, or a combination of both.  But what I do know, what I did see, and experience, and feel, is a commitment to family sadly lacking in many homes in America.

They simply embrace the belief that family is everything.  All decisions flow from that premise – no exceptions.  They will do anything to preserve, protect, and nurture that precious gift.  The Kargobais may be swimming against the tide of everyday modern life, but they don’t seem to care.  And it shows. They are a one happy lot. They feel blessed, and enjoy life with an optimism many of us would die for. They are content, which is way ahead of where most of us are. I wish I knew 1,000 Kargobais.  I could use some of their “vibe.” We all could. 

Mark Twain Quote: “True love is the only heart disease that is best left to “run on” – the only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired.”